The Beauty Show News

Carolyn’s Story

The Beauty Show makeover tryouts offered two women a 4 month program for dental, facial, skin and hair reconstruction and rejuvenation. There were only two chances in almost a thousand to win.

 As I contemplated if I was going to put myself through the process of tryouts, all kinds of things ran through my mind. I’d be putting myself in a vulnerable state, pointing out my imperfections, revealing my best kept secrets on how I view myself and how I feel others view me. My medical issues from past to present would be out there for the world to see, judge, and pick apart. I have what are called “imperfections.”  It doesn’t matter if they were imperfections from birth, an accident, or medical issues.  They have been very personal issues that I have dealt with in my own ways. Would it even be mentally bearable to try out for that one chance in a lifetime that I had always dreamed of?
 
Then there were thoughts of the other women. How would they treat me?  Would they judge me?  Would they be as competitive as in other TV makeover or reality shows? Would it be like other shows where we’ve seen a woman hurt another just to get ahead and accomplish what she wanted?  My life has been full of experiences where I was involved with this type of woman who said she was my friend just because she needed something from me at the time. Or because it made her feel good to be nice to someone she felt superior to.  These were the type women I was truly afraid of meeting and being in competition with. I didn’t want to feel used or to be made fun of because of my imperfections.
 
After a lot of soul searching and with the help of my real men and women friends I decided to push on. My friends helped me muster up the courage to go for the tryouts.  Although I was terrified of the unknown it was something that I had wanted all my life.
 
It started simple enough, waiting in line talking to a few people, opening my heart and hoping the floor wouldn’t collapse under me. Months later I was called again, for another interview. There would be 30 women competing for two positions in the show. I had to make sure I was up for this once in a lifetime opportunity or a let down of great proportions. Even more stressful was the knowledge that this interview would be taped for the actual show. All the thoughts I had in the beginning tumbled down on me again. Then there were new fears, would the women be cut throat, mean or just plain hateful to each other. As I walked forward to the meeting place for the last interviews I knew I carried in my heart the love and moral support of all my friends and family. I could feel their spirits with me.

I couldn’t believe how overwhelming it felt to know that each one of the women deserved this chance yet there could only be two chosen. As everyone entered the room I looked at them and wondered why some of them felt they needed a makeover. To me they were beautiful and in some I could see no flaws. I would have been happy to look like any number of them. 
 
First I did a short interview on camera telling a little about myself, and why I wanted to go through this makeover.  This was hard for me since I don’t like talking about myself, or feel comfortable about revealing my feelings to strangers, let alone to the world.  
Then the interviews began with the Plastic Surgeons, Dentists, Nutritionists, Hair, and makeup professionals, all while being taped.  Some of these conversations involved talking to the professionals about what changes you would like to see in your physical appearance.

One by one we went through this, all while being pleasant to each other, some more than others. Of course there were one or two who thought they were above the others, but it was no where near the horrifying experience I had anticipated. Next there was a lunch where everyone sat at some round tables, and through the nervousness we all started to talk to each other.  We didn’t talk about the task at hand, but some personal things in our lives; our animals, dreams, the weather, all pleasant conversations.
 
When lunch was over it was time for the professionals to decide who would and would not receive the makeovers.  How would they choose? Would it be the woman who needed the least, amount of work done? Would it be the woman who had cancer and wanted the makeover to help her through her ordeal? Would it be the woman who had been in a terrible accident and was in constant pain? Would it be the woman who wanted it because she and her husband were beginning a new chapter in their lives? Would it be the woman who had always had issues in her life because of her looks? Would it be the woman who was assaulted, and abused by her ex- husband? None of us knew who it would be or how the decision would be made. 
 
The first decision came in, some of us were devastated, and some of us still hopeful that we might get the chance that we had always dreamed of.  After that final cut the women remaining women in the room were different somehow.  Instead of being cruel, heartless and competitive they were compassionate to each other.  It was not what I had expected at all.  Small talk dissolved into real efforts to support one another.  We reminded each other that at least we had make it this far.  That everyone needs to think how lucky we were to have gotten this chance, even this experience.
 
I learned quite a bit about women that day, how women really are towards each other.  They don’t only come together when there is horrible sickness like breast cancer.  Women are not as cut throat as the media likes to portray us, in the reality shows.  Now I know that women are kinder than we all give each other credit for. There will always be that mean spirited woman who is truly ugly inside but as a whole we are all great women in our own right.  The understanding and compassion I felt in that room was so overwhelming that by the end of the experience I couldn’t help but be a winner! I learned that there are other women that feel the way I do.  I won the knowledge that the most important thing is open hearted connection with myself and others and that we are all beautiful in our own ways. This was the gift that I will savor, that once in a lifetime chance to really understand what beauty really means.
 
 
After the first decision was made I was so devastated I could not stop crying. Everyone started to talk to me and open up to me about positive things in each of their lives, and that they were sure I had positive things in my life as well. I sobbed and told them I was scared just to have put myself out there and add another opportunity for others to make me feel less than equal. I had been told all my life that I was ugly. An accident had left me in constant pain and I just wanted some relief and a way to be beautiful like everyone else. The compassion I received from the women in that room was overwhelming. That was the last thing I expected to file away in that special place in my heart.
 
We are all beautiful; maybe it’s not the beauty standards of the celebrity world, but these women I met had hearts of gold. Those who judge us before knowing us are simply missing out. I will continue my quest for a makeover and I know someday my dream will come true. This experience was a stepping stone along the way.  I will continue to work
toward my dream of one day someone giving me the makeover that I long for or at the
very least find a good soul that will help me fix my teeth, so I will no longer be in pain.
 
Carolyn M.